The World According to Severus Snape
by Ghost of Love
Summary: Snape reflects on how unfortunate his life is. His friendship with Lily is the only good thing in his life although he wished they were more than friends , but he manages to lose her friendship too.


Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and everything that 'Harry Potter' means. I do not claim to be JKR.

The World According To Severus Snape

Life isn't fair. You know this. You know it better than most, regardless of how lousy they think their lives are.

* * *

You don't believe in karma. How could you? You recognise that you have done a few things in your life that were not very moral or decent, but you know you can't possibly have done anything to deserve to suffer this much for this long.

Life has always dealt you the losing hand; again, and again, and again. Sometimes, life would be kind and you would become hopeful - like the day that you met her.

You know better than that now. That was not life being kind. That was just life having a good laugh at you. Life luring you into a state of ease, then pulling everything out from underneath you. It didn't just pull the carpet out either; it pulled a whole three storeys.

* * *

It isn't fair. You've loved her for longer. Ever since the first time you laid eyes on her, when you were both still but nine years old. You remember the day well.

She was with her sister, in the park. You knew immediately what she was, even though she didn't know it herself yet. You told her and she was offended. You learnt that she was stubborn. You fell in love with her personality. Her will was so strong. At least, that is what you thought at the time.

Her sister was nothing like her at all: not physically, not personality-wise, and definitely not in terms of her magical ability. That was the only thing that you bothered to notice about her sister, and that was only because it was about her too.

* * *

At school, whenever you weren't spending time with her, or doing extra study (potions and otherwise), you were with your fellow housemates. You did what they did and said what they said. You conformed. You had to. It was a survival thing. You knew she didn't like the things they did, so you mostly just stood by and watched. You didn't like it when she disapproved. You didn't like to displease her.

He tried to make your life hell. You didn't mind so much, because she hated him too. She liked you. You were her best friend.

She said you were just like the brother she never had. You hated it when she said things like that. You did not want to be her brother. You wanted to be a family with her in other ways. These feelings were not reciprocated. Besides that, you never did agree with incest. You were in the house that was obsessed with blood purity, which half the time really _meant_ incest. Oh the irony.

One day, he was trying to publicly humiliate you, yet again. She stood up for you. In your frustration, you called her 'Mudblood.' You will regret doing that until the day you die, and you know it too. She wouldn't take your apologies. She said that she knew it's what you really thought, what you called everyone like her; that you were just as bad as your 'friends'.

You _really_ hated yourself for that.

He had tried again and again to make your life hell, and then when he was satisfied that you were desperate enough, he took away the one thing that made your life worth any effort at all. What an arrogant git. You really do hate him.

* * *

You watched from a distance as she fell for him - just like he'd always wanted. Just like she'd always sworn that she would never, ever do; promise.

Maybe he does love her. You don't really care either way. You've loved her for longer and you love her more, but, as usual, you go unrecognised, and life drops another couple of dungbombs on your head.

School used to be a sort of refuge for you. You could get away from your parents fighting, your father bashing your mother. At school, you would see her, and life would be liveable for a while. Now, things are different. Now, at school, you see her in his arms. You go straight from emotional abuse at home to emotional torture at school.

You watch as they put their arms around each other. They kiss, and look into each other's eyes. Hers are full of absolute adoration. The whole lot of it makes you feel sick to your stomach. You swallow, and take slow, deep breaths, because you don't think that smelling like vomit is likely to help your cause very much. However, your efforts of keeping the nausea under control are in vain. You know there's recently been a silencing charm put on the bathroom in the dungeons - your housemates can't stand the sound of the retching. You don't care what they think. You never have before, so why start now?

You turn your back and walk away. You decide to bide your time. You see the power he has over people - everyone adores him. Maybe it's power that she wants.

You have potential; you know this. You just need a ladder of some sort, one that you will be able to climb surreptitiously. You already know the perfect thing: you will join the Dark Lord. Merlin knows he will appreciate your talents, even if no one else ever has. Then, when you have power to command, she will come crawling back to you. You can see it clearly now. She will know that you always did love her. If she finds out that he was not true to her, she will come crawling to you. Even if she doesn't discover it, she will still come to you begging.

You will take her back, of course. You would take her regardless of whether she begged you or not, because you know that you were meant for each other.

Then you will see who's the one laughing. You will be able to sneer right back in life's face, and his too, just for the sheer hell of it.

You turn your back and walk away; determination on your face and in your heart.

You turn your back and walk away...

Authors Notes: Thanks for reading! This is my first fanfic so I really hope you liked it. I would be eternally grateful for reviews - constructive criticism would be wonderful, but praise is good too :p


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